Who Needs Who?
Throughout my life I have been very fortunate to have people who helped me along the way. When I look back on it, I realize I could not have done many of the things I did without the help of many people, people who believed in me even when I didn’t know what to think of myself.
The truth is, I needed those people. There is no other way to put it.
It is incredible to me how many people helped me when I needed them whether I even asked for it or not. To be honest today I am very hesitant to let people help me because I have had so much I don’t think I could ever repay their kindness. So, I sort of shy away these days and don’t want to be a burden to others, even though I am not really. It is just always this feeling that they are always so kind to me and I don’t think I really deserve it.
But, when I look at my past I now am beginning to get another picture of it.
Could it be that people might need me for some odd reason? I don’t know what I could really do for anyone to be of any real help. But still, I wonder if my absence leaves an empty spot in their lives. Because for sure, there are huge holes in my life where the lack of presence of my friends once filled.
It isn’t that we did so much for each other but share a friendship that was important to both of us. They have a full life without me for sure, so I am always discounting the importance of myself to others.
But, what if that isn’t true? What if my friendship is something that has left a hole in their lives? Have I let them down while thinking that I am relieving them of the burden of my friendship?
How widespread is the misconception of my importance to people? How many people am I letting down? How many people am I disappointing?
It may be true that they don’t need me, but how am I going to know unless I reach out to touch them again?
I am a continent apart from my best friends now. It is a long way away and I left not wanting to leave but somehow justifying it by thinking as always that my return trips would be frequent.
But not having a home in Europe of my own seems wrong to me. Not living close to my friends and the culture I grew to love in so many ways really is something that is difficult if not impossible to let go of.
We can’t go backwards in life. We are forced by destiny to plunge in the the deep dark depths of the future. I have left and gone back 3 times, and I never should have left to begin with. So what is my life going to be? What do I want?
Can I or should I let go of the past or try to hold on to it as much as possible, because good old friends are hard to find.
But, the question remains. Who needs who?
The Way We Were
Alan and Marilyn Bergman, Marvin Hamlisch,
Memories, light the corners of my mind, misty water colored memories of the way we were.
Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind, smiles we gave to one another, and the way we were.
Maybe it was all too simple then, maybe time has re-written every line…if we had the chance to do it all again, tell me, would we? Could we?
Memories may be beautiful and yet, what’s too painful to remember we simply choose to forget, So it’s the laughter, we will remember, whenever we remember…the way we were.
There are people who need you and they need you not because of anything else but to bounce their light off of and create a brighter life than either could imagine without each other.