Today I went for a long walk. But, that long walk won’t be abnormal, it will become a standard practice in my life. I won’t be listening to music or recordings of books. I will be one hundred percent “off grid” and detached from the world of constant stimulation. It is going to be just me, with my thoughts, with my struggle to maintain focus on the present moment, and nature.
Today, I went to sleep on a lounge chair on the back porch with my face into the very early spring sun. I dropped off to sleep and breathed in the clean air and dreamed of nothing.
Going inside, turning on the TV, or sitting at the computer today was not going to happen. In fact, if I can, I will make one day a week, a day like today. No stimulation from artificial sources.
So, yes, I am sitting here writing these lines, on a computer. I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to write down these thoughts. The computer, the website blog, and the ability to capture such thoughts permanently is a really great thing to do. And writing I can hide my face, and my voice behind the page, so I can write without concern of “appearances.”
Burnout happens when you can’t even do what you want to do, because you are sick of it. Right now, I am sick of it all. But why?
I am sick of it, because I never give myself a break from it.
What is it?
Everything. Literally, everything. I’m sick of everything.
A very good friend of mine has been telling me now for a long time that I must carve out time for “ME”. I always thought I was doing that. After all, that is about all I seem to do.
But it isn’t.
“ME” is the human being who needs to just live life. The animal without fences. The bird who soars free. The eagle that sits atop a tall tree and surveys the world. “ME” is that being away from all of the things that “HE” is trying to get done in life. The duties we have to others. The work we have to do to get ahead, and the people we have to “please” to get along in life.
“ME” requires me to set aside time for “ME”. To feed my spirit, to renew my strength both physically and spiritually. “ME” also requires me to pick the people who I want to be with and to take time to spend time with them.
There are many areas in “ME’S” life that are not getting the love and care he needs from me.
I have become a negative and rather cynical person. I spend time thinking about the crazy state of the world around me, the disturbing things that go on in the world, and the things that I find are destroying the peace and well being of my country.
The duties I have brought upon myself taking care of my Mom and Dad, and now just my Dad, always feeling like I have to babysit him. The prospect of never being able to leave here until the day he passes, and then the vast void in my life that will be opened up when that void is now exposed and I don’t have it to occupy myself with.
“ME’S” health has been suffering for a long time, and “HE” is screaming for me to save it from decay and to bring joy back into “HIS” life.
I remember when I was a kid, I had a hernia operation. When I was healing up I had to curb my activities and so when I visited the doctor a while later he said I was now completely healed and that I could “Run and Jump and Play” again.
Boy, we lose that when we age don’t we? What about playing sports, dancing, and just going to the lake for a weekend camping trip. Having a picnic or travelling to Nashville for a concert or something creates excitement of living. I’m barely making music anymore because I can’t really sing now.
“ME” needs me to get it playing the piano again, or maybe the flute, or guitar.
I’m really tired of not living.
Watching TV, flicks on the computer, and following the scourges of social media and 24/7 reporting all pour stimulation into our minds and confuse us, brainwash us, and takes up a lot of “LIFETIME”.
While I want to earn income online, and that takes work sitting at the computer, I must see to it that I don’t let it kill my desire to do it by doing it to the point that I don’t do anything else.
I guess it is a matter of priorities. But, I have to get healthy, sane, and interconnected again because right now I am simply burned out.
That is what the world of media, entertainment, and social media has done to me, or rather I’ve done it to myself.
It is time to reenter life and become again the happy person I truly am and not some tired old gripe who can barely bend over to put on socks, or trim the hedge, or go swimming, or run down a basketball court.
I’ve got to find my way back to “Brilliance” and you do that by doing what makes life beautiful.